HOW PARENTS CAN HELP SUPPORT THEIR TEENAGERS THROUGH DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY
Here is a list with some suggestions of things to do and things to avoid.


DO....

• Educate yourself (This is probably one of the most importance and most valuable things that you can do! By educating yourself about their condition, you are increasing your awareness/understanding of their conditions and what you can do to best support them. Do your research. Read journal articles, blogs, books etc)
• Get professional support. (Reach out to a professional mental health therapist who can help to educate you and provide you/your family with support)
• Talk about it (If you are feeling isolated or as if you are the only parent going through this, join a local support group for parents. Ask your friends who are parents about their experiences. Lean on and support eachother)
• stay calm (This is especially important if they are becoming increasingly angry, frustrated, or anxious. If you “overreact” or respond the same way they are, a vicous cycle will occur, which will not be beneficial to anyone, and usually this only makes the situation worse. Instead, try your best to stay calm-take a few deep breaths).
• Create routine/structure but allow for some flexibility (Most people with deprssion/anxiety benefit from being prepared and having a plan. This means they perform better and symptoms improve when they have some sense of what to expect)
• Have realistic expectations (of yourself and them. Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. The most important thing is that we can learn from them. Many people with depression/anxiety have perfectionistic tendencies. That means they have expectations that are not realistic. Help them to create realistic expectations for themselves and others)
• Reward and highlight their progress (Notice the things they are doing well. Provide verbal praise and positive reinforcement. Progress! Progress! Progress! For younger kids, making a rewards chart can be helpful with this!)
• Anticipate their triggers and plan ahead (Again this comes down to being prepared. For example, if you know that they have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning: allow extra time, encourage them to make their lunch the day before etc. Many of the strategies that can be used to treat anxiety/depression can also be used to prevent the symptoms from getting worse. If you know that they will be entering a triggering situation, encourage them to use some of their coping strategies!
• Have a “code word” (The ultimate goal is for your child/teenager to be able to express how their feeling, however it takes time and practice. In the mean time, develop a “code word” and its meaning, that they can say when they are feeling sad/anxious and when they need some space. For example, a code word might be “hippo”. When your child/teenager says the word “hippo”, that might mean that they are starting to feel angry and need to walk away/have a few minutes of quiet time before you start asking them about their day)
• Create a safe place (Let them know that you are there for them and that they can come to you when you have a problem/need to talk)
• Encourage them to seek help (Professional counselling is very effective in treating anxiety and depression! Keep in mind that therapy is far more effective when they are are ready, willing and able to accept professional help)
• Normalize and validate their experiences/emotions (Being a child/teenager today is hard for a variety of reasons. Remind them that even though it might feel like it, they are not the only one going through this. Encourage them to seek professional support )
• Respect your teenagers privacy (ie.if they need a quiet space, allow them to go to their room without criticizing them or assuming that they are “isolating themselves”)
• Say “I love you. I am here for you..how can I help to support you through this?” (Ask them if they want to talk, without pressuring them to do so. (there is always an appropriate time and place to have conversations. This does not mean that they can get away with things, but instead realize that if they are already anxious, now is not a good time to talk to them about thier chores. If they say no (they do not want to talk), then gently remind them that you are here for them if/when they are ready.

DO NOT....

• Punish them for making mistakes (Instead pay extra attention to the progress they have made and their accomplishments. Highlight those and reward them!)
• Blame yourself (Instead, educate yourself! There are many factors that can contribute to the development of anxiety/depression. Poor parenting does not 100% cause depression/anxiety. It is not your fault!)
• Pressure them to talk when they are not ready (This can cause more issues. Instead, write them a note/send them a text letting them know that you are there if/when they need you)
• Assume you know how they feel (Instead ask them ie. “I just wanted to check-in to see how you are feeling”. Even if you have experienced anxiety/depression yourself, it manifests and impacts everyone differently. Instead of making assumptions, ask them to help you to understand what it is like for them).
• Make assumptions based on their diagnosis/behaviour (Instead, ask them! Do not assume that they will be “too anxious” to attend a family event. Give them the option anyways)
• Punish them for their diagnosis (ie. Do not say “you look depressed. I am just going to ignore you until you are no longer depressed”. This is not helpful. Instead offers words of support and encouragement ie”I am here for you”).
• Use labels (Be mindful of your word choices-towards them but also towards others. Your child is not the “depressed kid”. Their experiences of anxiety./depression right now do not define who they are. Instead, notice and observe how this may be impacting them)
  
  
  

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Transitions are tough for many of us. September can be a month full of transitions. There is no sugar coating it!

Unfortunately, transitions are also a part of life. Whether it's transitioning from high school to University , transitioning to working at a new job, moving to a new city, or any other change in your life, transitions aren't always so easy. Transitions is can be extremely frustrating and overwhelming. 
 
One of the major reasons why is because transitions involve CHANGE. Change of routine, change of structure, change of climate, change of physical location/space etc. Change is also typically associated with a loss of control/uncertainty and therefore anxiety. So what does this mean? It means that transitions can be and are typically anxiety provoking. 
 
Even though transitions aren’t necessarily bad, in fact it is usually a positive (typically, transitions mean that progress has been made), they can still be stressful and anxiety provoking. But it doesn't have to be that way. 
 
Here are some tips to help you deal with life transitions:

• Focus on what you can control. Uncertainty, change and transitions can be anxiety provoking because it can feel as though we are losing control. One of the ways we can reduce anxiety is to focus our time, attention and resources towards what we can control (ie. What I am going to wear today etc)
• Normalize the experiences. Remind yourself that what you are going through is a typical reaction to change and that these feelings will not last forever (ie. “this is just my anxiety talking. This is to be expected. These feelings will pass. ”)
• Engage in relaxation exercises; Try meditating, yoga or engaging in” mindful moments”. Grounding can also be helpful! (See my previous blog post on grounding: http://www.brittanymarshallcounselling.ca/blog/pressing-pause)
• Practice self-care; take time for yourself. Tune into your body. Ask yourself “what is my body trying to tell me? What do I need right now?” And give yourself it! (eg. Make yourself a cup of green tea. Have a bubble bath. Watch your favourite movie. Have your favourite snack)
• Seek support. Reach out to your friends, family members, peers and anyone else who is part of your support network. If you are in need of more professional support, reach out to professional counselling services. If you are an University/college student, familiarize yourself with the resources that are available on and off campus (every college/university has their own counselling services department).
• Reward yourself  Recognize your accomplishments and successes. Also, acknowledge and reward the progress you have made. Remind yourself how far you have come and all the obstacles you have overcome.
• Take a break.  We all have periods in our life where we need to take a step back and have a break-physically, emotionally, mentally. Don’t be afraid to remove yourself physically from a stressful situation. Go outside. Get fresh air. Take long, deep breaths. Go for a walk.
• Engage in positive self-talk; It is very easy to get caught up the vicious cycle of negative, “what if”, catastrophic thoughts which are not helpful. Instead, engage in more realistic, positive thoughts. Remind yourself “I can do this; I will be okay”

 
Looking for additional support/resources for how to deal with change? Contact Brittany for a free consultation today!

There are times in life where we feel like we need someone to talk to but noone in our network is available. There are also times in life where the process of scheduling and attending in-person appointments that work well within our personal/professional schedule can become overwhelming.

This is where on-demand therapy comes in! 

 I am super excited to be a part of this great initiative which helps address many of the barriers that prevent people from accessing psychotherapy services (such as some of the barriers listed above). From 8am-8pm EST across Ontario, you are able to connect with a mental health therapist, such as myself, via secure video for a 25 minute session. 

This means that within minutes of logging into Maple's browser app, you are able to connect in real-time with a professional therapist, at a time where you might need it the most!

Counselling is now available in Markham and other select locations over the GTA. Counselling services continue to be available to anyone throughout Ontario via secure video and phone! 
 
I am proud to be able to provide professional counselling services, psychotherapy and social work support to individuals in the Markham area. Markham has always held a special place in my heart, because I was raised in Markham, and spent the vast majority of my childhood and adolescence in Markham, Ontario.  In addition, I am very familiar with the community as well as the resources that are available. 

I am proud to be able to live in and work in this great community and along side so many amazing Markham residents. It would be my honour to work with you and support you throughout your own journey!

Please contact me for a free 20 minute consultation! 

If I am not the right fit for you, I am always more than happy to connect you with local community resources! 

Many of us live a very go, go, go lifestyle. We are constantly running from one event to the next. Jumping from one problem to the next. Without even giving ourselves credit or even realizing what we are doing. 

What would it be like if we could just press "PAUSE" for a few minutes or even a few seconds? What if we could S L O W   D O W N  and pay attention to ourselves, our bodies, each other and even the world around us? What if we could be fully present and engaged?

Well, we can! One of the most effective ways that we can do this is through mindfulness meditation or grounding! Today, I will focus on grounding. 

Here are some very simple grounding exercises with the 5 senses, that you can do virtually anywhere, anytime and with anyone! 

A) notice and label 3 things
Ask yourself 
-what are 3 things I SEE?
-what are 3 things I HEAR?
-what are 3 things i SMELL?
-what are 3 things I FEEL?
-what are 3 things I TASTE?

B) 5-4-3-2-1 method
5:LOOK-Look around and notice 5 things you can see. Repeat them outloud
4:FEEL-Pay attention to your body and say out loud 4 things that you can feel
3:LISTEN-Listen and label 3 sounds you hear
2: SMELL-Take a deep breath in, and say out loud 2 things you can smell
1:-TASTE-Say out loud 1 thing you can taste

C)  Challenge your friend(s)
This is a fun game you can play with your family members, co-workers and/or friends! Challenge each other by seeing how many items you can see, feel, hear, smell or taste....with no repeating! You can go around in a circle, each saying one item you see (without repeating) until you can't come up with any more! Then, move onto the next sense (feel)! You may be pleasantly surprised by the variety of answers! 

We all have rituals  and routines.

Maybe your nighttime ritual is to brush your teeth, shower and read a chapter of your favourite novel. Or check your email and social media accounts. Some of our rituals are healthier than others! 

About two years ago I started a new ritual, and my husband has since joined in!

Every night after brushing our teeth, we say out loud three things we are grateful for! Approximately once a week, we also say  one thing we are proud of each other for and one thing we are proud of ourselves for! This is also a great bonding exercise and can help to improve the quality of your relationships.

So take a few moments to reflect on this; express your gratitude and appreciation to eachother....but also your gratitude and appreciation for yourself!!

What are you grateful for?

The reality is there are so many things we have to be grateful for. If you are anything like me, you will probably discover that you take a lot for granted. This exercise can really challenge you to become more aware and appreciative of all the "little things" in life that really do make a positive impact on our day-to-day lives! 

Once you have been expressing your gratitude for a few weeks, try to challenge yourself by not repeating any of the things that you have said previously. (This gets harder the longer you do it, and also tests your memory!)

Additionally, this is an exercise of compassion...self-compassion. I know that I am not alone in saying that I have the tendency to not give myself enough credit for my accomplishments and to dismiss things easily. This is why this exercise can be so powerful!  It gives you the opportunity to acknowledge and appreciate yourself! 

Challenge yourself every night to come up with three things you are grateful for as well as 1 thing you are proud of yourself for. No repeating! See how many different things you can come up with! I think you will be pleasantly surprised!


**Want to make this exercise even more effective?

Write it down.

Create your own Gratitude Journal that you can refer to and keep it handy! 

​​What are thoughts?

This might seem like a simple question but chances are you have never really thought of it. Most people don't. Before I became a mental health therapist, I didn't either. 

I assumed that thoughts were facts. I assumed that thoughts were always true. I assumed that I always had to listen to my thoughts. I assumed that my thoughts had the power over me. I assumed that there was nothing I could do about my thoughts. 

Needless to say, I was wrong. 

So what are thoughts? Thoughts are really just ideas or opinions. They are NOT facts. They are NOT always true. Thoughts can change day to day, even moment to moment. 

On average, we have approx 40 thoughts each minute; that's more than 55,000 thoughts a day!! 

This number may sound overwhelming but luckily we are not always aware of our thoughts. Instead, most of us are aware of and focus only on our negative thoughts...those thoughts that tell us "I am not good enough", "I cant do it", "I will fail" or "I am a horrible person".

Sound familiar?

Many people experience the same audiotape that continues to play over and over, day after day, with the same negative thoughts and self-doubts. The worst part is, if we are not aware of them, these negative (and often untrue) thoughts can start to impact who we are, how we feel about ourselves, our emotions and our behaviours, in an unhealthy way!

What can you do about it?

Well, the first step is to increase your awareness about the thoughts that you are having.

The second step is to separate the opinions from the facts.

​Then, we can begin to challenge those thoughts and replace them with healthier and more realistic thoughts. 

Want to learn more?

Want to increase the power you have over your thoughts? 

Want to take back control over your life?
​
Book an appointment with Brittany today! 

As most people know February 14 is Valentine's day. 

When most people think of Valentines day they automatically associate it with romantic relationships, flowers, chocolates, fancy dinners etc. This can be great (but doesn’t need to happen only on February 14). This tradition can cause those of us who are not in significant romantic relationships to feel upset, disappointed, insecure etc. It can also result in people feeling left out.  But it doesn’t have to be that way. 

I personally associate Valentines day with LOVE. I would like you to take a minute to reflect upon 5 things you love. Please write down your top 5.    
 
Once you have created your list, break it down into themes. Are these material possessions? Hobbies? Memories? People/relationships?

What about yourself?      Did you include yourself on that list?
 
When I do this exercise with my clients, very few of them include themselves in their list-even when I ask them to expand it to 10 or 20 things they love!

Does that mean that they don’t love themselves? Not necessarily. It may just mean that they think about it in a different context.  
 
Let me explain. Many of us are taught about the importance of maintaining positive relationships with our friends and family members, but we are not taught about the importance of the relationship that we have with ourselves. The relationship we have with ourselves truly is the most important and stable relationships that we will ever have!

Here is why it is so important and priceless! Regardless of where we are in life, who we are with, what we are doing...we always have ourselves and always will. But many people don’t realize it.  

This is where SELF-LOVE comes in!

Self-love essentially means loving yourself! This involves treating yourself with kindness and compassion; appreciating everything that you do; forgiving yourself; honoring yourself!
 
How can we improve our self-love?

We can start by increasing our awareness to our current relationship with ourselves, and following these steps:

1. Engage in Positive Self-Talk
   How do you treat yourself? How do you talk to yourself? Chances are that you talk to yourself differently than you would your best friend, colleague or partner. Chances are that you are more critical and judgmental of yourself than others. Changes are that you might not even be aware of this. Many of us are very compassionate to our friends, family members and even strangers. However, when it comes to ourselves we aren’t so nice. Once we recognize and acknowledge this, we can begin to replace some of the negative self-talk (I am so stupid, I made such a bad mistake) with positive self-talk (I can do this, I tried my best). As a result, our mood, energy and behaviours will improve!
   
   
2. Focus on your Strengths and Accomplishments
   We know that our brains have a negative attribution bias. This means that if I were to tell anyone 9 positive comments and 1 negative comment (regardless of the order), they are most likely to remember the 1 negative comment. Similarly, it is probably easier to remember the 3 mistakes you made yesterday, as opposed to the 3 things you did well. But we are going to change this! Yes, we want to acknowledge our mistakes and learn from them, but it is also importance that we recognize our strengths and accomplishments.  You can do this by keeping a record of your daily/weekly/monthly strengths and accomplishments. Writing it down is very useful because you can refer to them if you experience self-doubts in the future!
   
   
3. Compliment Yourself & Say “Thank You” When you Receive a Compliment
   This step can be particularly challenging for many people. It is easy for us to be very highly critical of ourselves and put ourselves down. It can be hard to give ourselves a compliment. But just like anything else in life, it gets easier once we start doing it, it gets easier and we are creating a new habit! When we receive a compliment from others, our automatic reaction can be  “BUT” and we try to argue; sometimes even convince the other people that they’re wrong (BUT today I dressed up; or BUT you’re just saying that)…instead stop, take a breath, smile and say “thank you”.
   
   
4. Reward/Treat Yourself  
   Do something you enjoy! Reward yourself with something that makes you happy and something that you enjoy. You can treat yourself with your favourite food, a massage, a bubble bath, your favourite movie, a night out, some quiet time   etc
   

Valentine's day is the perfect day to remind yourself of all the people, places and things that you love. It's also a great reminder to continue (or start) focusing and honouring yourself. Start practicing the steps listed above, to help increase your SELF-LOVE. Continue practicing this everyday!